Healing Self-Talk: On Anger and Grief

My anger is valid. My rest is a necessity!

As a recovering people-pleaser, one of my deepest wounds is viewing myself through the fears and insecurities of other people. My former therapist and I spent significant amounts of time reframing my view of myself and how I present that view to the world.

If this resonates with you, please join me here every other Thursday for a little Healing Self-Talk.

Since 2019, my main focus has been how to incorporate more rest into my life. Yes, I want to be productive, successful, all the things, but I learned (the hard way, fortunately unfortunately) that working myself into horrible mental and physical health was NOT the way to achieve those goals.

My approach to this, believe it or not, made other people angry.

What’s more is that these same people called me mean, judgmental, and self-righteous whenever I expressed any measure of anger. To a certain extent, I believed them.

It took years of therapy and unlearning to realize that my anger was rooted in cycles of deep grief. My processing of my anger and grief felt heavier because I was also learning what grief was for the first time.

Thankfully, in the midst of all this, I found safe spaces with safe people to share in my grief and help me recreate my joy. Much of that process involved me reframing my thoughts and self-talk around feelings of anger, grief, and rest.

Don’t get it twisted, I do not have it all figured out! Some days anger feels too heavy to hold. Some days anger knocks me on my ass and I need 3-5 business days in bed to recover. But, the more I keep practicing this type of awareness and bravery, the more it becomes my new default response.

Today’s Healing Words:

I am allowed to be angry, feel anger, process my anger.

I am allowed to change my mind and focus, especially when my healthy perspective and processing of anger warrants that need.

It is not my job to manage other people’s anger.

I am worthy of love, compassion, and closeness even when I am feeling angry.